That's the question that struck me last night as I was standing in the office having a bitch fest with a fellow coworker at the stroke of 7 at night. Considering I'd been in the office since 6 that morning and figured I should put in another half or full hour, I considered it a valid question. It stuck with me through the night, haunted my dreams a bit, and even was pondered in the shower this morning. Why do I do what I do? Who am I doing it for? What's my end goal?
I used to think I did it for the money and all that it would buy. That's an easy, shallow, and somewhat fulfilling answer. But, in reality, it's not anywhere near why I really do it. It struck me this morning. I do what I do for my family. I do it so we can live a life that is as fulfilling as we can make it and hopefully give our daughter a great start to life. However, there must be balance. I'm realizing that the balance is quickly tipping into the wrong direction lately. While I'm not just out after money, I've worked myself into a spot where work requires so much of me that I can't give what I want or need to my family. My goal at work right now is to leave early enough that I can see Corley for a few minutes before she has to go to bed. Her bed time is at 8. That just sucks.
So, it's important for me to at least put down why I'm doing what I'm doing. I need to see that in the end it will be worth it. My family is always going to be worth it. It doesn't mean that I can't resent having to do it in the way that I'm currently doing it though. I'll make it, but don't expect me to be happy about it and I hope I won't carry too much bitterness after I get done.