I see the light

And it's not a freight train. For the first time in MANY months, I can actually enjoy some down time at work. I'm being deliciously somewhat unproductive at work and enjoying most every second of it. My casino project is finally wrapping up to the point where I don't feel like I need to be at the contractor's beck and call every second of the day. Actually, as far as I'm concerned I'm 100% complete with the project, but I know that is never the case until several months down the road.

The good news is I can point to this job when asking my boss for money and show them how my hard work (and that of our shop) have paid pretty huge dividends. I won't get into actual specifics here, but lets just say, I have a pretty good leg to stand on when it comes to asking for a sizable bonus this year. Additionally, I might well hold the company record for having the biggest gross net on a job, built a very good foundation for future work with the contractor, and I get to celebrate the end of the job by taking the main guys I worked with out for steak and beer. Those are the things I love about my job. I love making big money for my employer, I love when they reward me with a great bonus (still hoping for that one), and I love being able to treat the guys on site that have as much influence on how the project finishes out as I do to a good time. It's a win-win for everyone.

I'm actually taking next week off. Other than a couple days around Labor Day, this will be the first vacation time for me in 6+ months. The last time I took any real time off was for the lingerie show in Vegas last April. I've got a big list of things to work on around the house, plus help my parents get some work done before Thanksgiving. Hopefully I can cross a few items off the list, spend some time with my girls, and maybe even get out on the bike a time or two. I can't wait.

Rollercoaster

and no I'm not talking about our much loved and recently fought over trail at the Science Center. I'm just talking about day to day life and everything that goes into it. It seems everything these days is in a whirlwind- work, family, finances, weather, etc, etc. Let's break it down shall we?

Work: Just when you think you're on top, a wave of stuff comes smashing back over you. Take for instance this morning. I had one major thing on my desk to accomplish by days end and any various number of small side items. Along about 8 o'clock I get a call that one of my sub contractors doesn't seem to be fulfilling his obligations to meet deadlines on the jobsite and they want a meeting at 1 this afternoon to make sure I keep his butt in line. OK, so that throws a wrench into the day and now I'm scrambling to make sure all my ducks are in a row too. I decide that we should take over part of his work load and now I've got several large scale items on my desk, plus a phone call to fill up my day and then some.

Family: Actually, family has been pretty decent. Miranda and Corley were out of town a couple days last week and I was able to get the house cleaned. I also had a good steak dinner with Squirrel and his family on Friday night. It was nice to kick back and chill. Saturday was pretty busy as we hit the Science Center in the AM for some Halloween fun and then Night Eyes Saturday afternoon along with going out to eat that night. Sunday was pretty lazy though as Corley and I hung out in the house and watched the wind attempt to remove the shingles from everyone's houses.

Finances: I've been eyeing these pretty close as of late with all the ups and downs in the market plus the general piss poor shape of our economy. Things look pretty decent for us, but you can never make too sure. I even earmarked some money to possibly purchase a new mountain bike. Now, a week later, I've seen my quarterly IRA statement (down over 20% for the year), had our home equity line of credit shut down because they estimate my house is worth MUCH less (over $20K) than they told me 1 year ago, and I'm still wondering how our taxes, year end bonus, and sales for our business are going to shake out for the rest of the year. I hate credit card debt and luckily, we really don't carry any balances unless it benefits us with something like 0% financing and the like. This means we're just fine financially, but I like having the cushion of the line of credit for emergencies and/or to use as a slush fund in case something too good to resist should pop up (read new mountain bike). Funny thing is, I think this very thing happened to a number of other people who are probably a bit less responsible when it comes to spending and now they're up shit creek having no more access to easy cash. This leads to the current housing storm we're all hearing about and in turn drops my property value...

Weather: Wow, I can't believe the wild ass weather for fall. We go from torrential rains, to cold, to warm, to windstorms, to cold again in a week. Pretty wild. At least the winds helped speed the drying process for the center trails and word is they're about perfect for now. I'm looking forward to riding since it's been over a week now. I'm itching to get out and I have to practice up a bit for this weekend's Dirty Du. I've teamed up with Heather from PRC to ride the relay portion while she runs. I can't wait!

Down with the sickness

Can you catch a cold from the internets? I'm under the distinct impression it's a complete possibility. As such, I'm blaming my cold on this guy. He posted about being sick just over a week ago. I knew I shouldn't have read his blog, but I was compelled to. Of course, then I made it even worse by texting him to find out if he'd be at the Ales and Trails party this weekend. In retrospect, that was probably the final straw as sure enough, on my way home from Dubuque Thursday, I felt all the tell tale signs of disease coursing through my body.

Of course, this is all my conspiracy theory, but in reality, I'm guessing it's natures way of kicking my ass while I'm down... It was bound to happen sooner or later. A sudden shift in seasonal temps, long days sitting in an office surrounded by others with various germs, and not enough exercise are pretty prime recipes for catching a cold. I've tried hard to fend it off with a mix of over the counter remedies and herbal medecines. I switched it pretty quickly from a sinus based cold down into my chest, but that's about it thus far. At least I'm not really getting hammered at the moment, but its plenty to be annoying.

Big surprise, my weekend consisted of mostly work. I passed on hitting CITA's party at Whiterock this weekend in favor of working and recouping as much as possible. The pictures show a pretty good time, but I don't think I really saw any biking other than on hardpack. At least I didn't miss some sweet trail riding as I'd probably be kicking myself harder if that were the case. Sunday was down time hanging with Corley. She took a great nap and that let me watch some NASCAR which is finally back on broadcast TV plus snooze a bit myself.

It was a weekend..

Well, it was at least a weekend. Of course, weekend typically means that the work week has ended and you're free to pursue extracurricular activities. While, I did get some of those fun times in this weekend, it still didn't mean that I left work. Saturday and Sunday found me sitting behind the desk for at least a few hours each day. Mercifully, I couldn't spend all day here due to other commitments.

Saturday afternoon found me putting Corley down for a nap and then dropping her by grandma's house where she'd be spending the night. After that, I met my hot wife back at home where we got ready to head to the Rassy team party. It was a blast enjoying the great people that make up the various teams that Rasmussen's sponsors. There's the triathletes, mountain bikers, roadies, and those that span multiple designations. All of them came together for a great time hosted by some amazing people Chris and Collier Schofield. Big hats off to them for providing a great party place at one of the few places in Des Moines that I've long wanted to check out.

I spent a good part of Saturday night debating about going to the time trial at the Science Center on Sunday and had pretty much talked myself out of it. Somewhere in the wee hours of Sunday AM as the alarm was ringing 6 bells, I decided to sleep in a bit, try to get a bit of action, and see if I had any legs left under me. For those keeping score, I hit 3 for 3. Alas, on the last count, I definitely did NOT have any legs yesterday. 2 weeks off the bike tends to do that to a guy. As we gathered for the race, I went out for a pre-ride of the course and felt myself getting winded even at a relaxed pace. That's not a good sign. As I lined up, my heart rate was sitting at 140 before even turning a pedal. That's an even worse sign. Ahh well, I had my dues paid and was there to have fun. I squeaked out a slow start on the pavement and was easily passed by the guy starting a minute behind me just as we started some climbing in the rose garden area. I pulled off and slowed so he could fly by. I figured why bother holding anyone up at this point.

I hit rollercoaster and was doing better by this point only to find the William's from eastern Iowa coming back up the trail as they were lost having not ridden here before and not pre-riding the course. They hopped in behind me and quickly passed me as I managed to fall over as I spun out climbing the switchback just after the creek crossings, which I at least cleaned easily. Robin was gone after that, but I kept Kyle in my sight most of the way through Hillside where I actually caught him. I guess I had the advantage of having ridden here before as I was bombing the downhills pretty well and he was getting me on the climbs. He pulled off to let me pass so I took off and hit it. That was a mistake as I quickly ran out of steam and just pulled off so Kyle could get back by and I wouldn't slow him any. I eased on through the uphills and finally hit the pavement downhill to the finish.

I haven't quite figured out where this obsession comes from, but I apparently love flying down pavement on my mountain bike. I tend to get nervous on my road bike, but with some wide tires under me, I'm damn near fearless. This was no exception as I came flying through the crowd and then hammered the brakes including a decent stoppie that brought some cheers from the crowd. I found out later that they classed the beginners in with the sport class since there were only 3 of us. I managed a 2 second better time than Kurt who I've been trading back and forth with since my Boone race debut putting me at 2-1 for wins. However, looking at the standings this morning, my time was good enough to put me in 3rd for the sport class once they bumped me up! Woohoo. Not bad for feeling like crap for half the ride and enjoying the flow the other half.

The rest of Sunday consisted of more work. Or in the words of Scott Sumpter, "you know it's Sunday?!" Yes, I'm painfully aware of that Scott... I did pick up Corley and we enjoyed some afternoon time playing, doing dinner, and bath time before I introduced her to Sunday night football. Heh, she got a kick out of it. Now it's time to hit it hard for another week, but at least I signed up for Ales and Trails this weekend.

Labor history

Anyone have fond memories of child labor? Sitting here at a desk job, I definitely have fond regards for the labors I performed growing up. Sure there were some truly crappy jobs like walking beans in mid July with the only drinking water having been contaminated by stupid ass other kids working with you, but I digress. There were a number of bright spots in there.

One of my favorit activities as a progeny of child labor laws was mowing lawns. It probably also explains why I almost have to be forced at gunpoint to mow my current lawn. I made a small business out of it with actual clients that were outside of my home neighborhood and everything. Bless my mom as she actually carted me around in the period of time before I could drive on my own. I was one of the few kids that actually had money to buy things I wanted. I was still pretty frugal about it, but I know there were numerous dollars spent on video games and junk foods. Mowing lawns definitely was a good place to start.

After the floods of 93 came through I had a pretty interesting job doing cleanup for the rest of the summer. The conditions sucked as I was running a pressure washer and hauling sharp bits of sheet metal from 7-3:30 for weeks on end, but the pay was good and the actual plant workers were pretty cool. I experienced my first major work related embarassment at this job. I bent over to pick something up and blew the ass straight out of my pants. A cool misty breeze confirmed what I'd heard before I could even reach around to feel the gaping hole. Alas, the closest person you could call my supervisor was a cute gal that I'm sure I had a bit of a crush on at some point in time. I had to ask her to use the phone in order to call my mom to run me some new pants down. She was definitely amused, but at least didn't prolong my embarassment.

My first true job came towards the end of high school. A friend of my dad's hooked me up with a job at the local hardware store. This type of store is a rare breed anymore having been overrun by the Home Depots, Lowes, and Menards of the world. There are a few in Des Moines, but mostly you'll only find them in small towns anymore. I learned a ton of things that I still use on a regular basis at this job. I learned screen repair, how to reglaze a wood window, paint mixing, and a host of other things. Looking back, my boss was a bit of a jerk as I think he assumed I was the same as all other high school slacker kids. I admit, I was to a certain extent, but I was serious about doing a good job, so I think some of the ire I drew was a bit unfounded. I really enjoyed my co-workers who were pretty much all old retired guys that had good stories and were good friends. I regularaly returned to the store for years until it closed down just to talk to a few of them.

I moved from that job to work with a friend of the family at a rental and repair store. This was my first taste of learning that you can't necessarily work with your buddies. I learned small engine repair and also did a ton of general maintenance plus labor here. I spent almost 2 years here before I finally said fuck off to my buddy (who was my boss) and quit. We did remain friends after that, but something about having him as my boss just didn't work for us as it seemed to make him think I was his complete lackey.

From the rental store, I bounced into the world of construction. Through another family connection (thankfully not working for family) I hooked up with a home builder that needed a jack of all trades. Mostly my job was clean up, but I also did a fair amount of skid loader work and some actual carpentry. I more or less was issued a pick-up with a dump box and a tandem axle trailer with bobcat to use as necessary to do my job. I worked my ass off through the rain, heat, cold, and mud. I wore myself out, but I enjoyed that job and my boss was awesome. I hated mud more than anything else and if it weren't for mud, I might well still be at that job. Actually, I wouldn't be as it was a transition position at best, but made for good money with overtime available and tons of hours to work in the summers. I held this job halfway through college and I picked up tons of info about building houses and running heavy equipment.

After running through that job in a couple years, I was offered the chance to put my college learning and head to use. A shirttail family relation had a small commercial general construction company and was looking for an office person. Little did I realize that the person they wanted needed to be a slave. I learned a ton of things in two years, but the biggest was that you can't work for relatives. They will eat you alive since they think that as a relative, they're doing you a favor by keeping you employed. I was office manager, accountant, project manager, estimator, payroll clerk, apartment maintenance guy, lawn mower, general labor, and field superintendant. Most of this was all at the same time. I think I worked somewhere in the 60 hour a week range for the better part of two years and also finished college in that span. I was "salaried" which basically meant slave to them as I enver got any overtime and the only way to earn extra was to work at their house on the weekends doing lawn care and general labor work. It was probably lucky for me that we parted ways when we did. Though I liked the husband part of the owners, I could easily live the rest of my life never seeing the wife portion again. If there was ever a person that revelled in being a heinous bith, she was the one.

Unexpectedly parting company with the construction company left me unemployed for a short time where I picked up some odd labor gigs for my parents. Fortunately, I'd made a few contacts by now and roped back into a job working for an independant landscaper running his bobcat and doing various projects. The work was hard, but man was it cool. We made some sweet landscapes and I had a ball being back outside and working in the sun for the summer. Unfortunately, I knew it wasn't a long term position so I kept sending out applications and resumes. I had a few interviews and finally an interesting call.

One of the subs I had worked with at the construction company received my application (unsolicited) and called to tell me they'd keep it on file. Not a week went by and they were calling me to come in for an interview. I put in two weeks to the landscaper and went back to the office side of life. The first couple years were a whirlwind of constantly getting my butt kicked as I learned how this particular field worked. As I found my footing, I quickly shot up the ranks and now I'm hitting the proverbial glass ceiling. I think that's a pretty key point in why I'm somewhat tired of what I do. Once you get to the top, there's nothing really new to keep things interesting. It's the climb up there that offers the reward along with the kicks in the ass to make things interesting. I finally have my review rescheduled for this Thursday and I'm hoping to make a transition to the next level. The funny part is, there is no next level. I'm actually trying to create a bridge between the level I'm at and the ownership level. Hopefully I can make it stick. Wish me luck.

Of besting co-workers and bragging rights

No real riding from yesterday other than a commute in and back home early so I could get a haircut and clean up before heading back in to work yet again. I did manage to get my total commute closer to the magical 1 hour mark. I think once the construction north of my place that requires either slowing down or completely rerouting if workers are present is finished up, I'll be breaking that 1 hour mark. I can't wait!

Back to the thought at hand. Last night we had an open house at our work. We were celebrating a milestone for the company and put on a huge shindig. Most of the office staff felt the obligation to show up and make sure we properly mingled and shmoozed the few clients that showed up. I was a bit disappointed to see that our largest contingent of people there were employees or vendors. The clients just didn't show up for whatever reason.

In any case, part of the festivities included some various games in which you could participate to collect prizes. There were a couple guess the quantity of X in a jar games, a bean bag toss, nail driving, and shuffleboard. Now I'm a competitive guy. If you haven't figured that out yet, you probably haven't talked to me for more than a minute or two or are just reading about all the sex I talk about here and completely ignore my cycling posts... I digress, I was pretty bored for the most part so I spent my time hanging around the games and playing them while nobody else was waiting in line.

As I was in the process of besting my own scores, I managed to score highest in one game, second in another, and then had second in one of the guessing games. My question is do I concede the two events that I kept playing until I got higher and higher scores or accept the prizes? Nothing was said about only playing once and everyone else had the same opportunity. Normally, I wouldn't care much either way, but there was what I felt like a bit of a backlash from one person I that I bested his score on in one of the events. I couldn't quite tell if he was joking or serious, but I'm guessing he was saying it jokingly even though he was serious. So what would you do, take the prizes and run or maybe concede to the other person that scored in a single try?

Tempered weekend

Unless your job typically calls for a weekend workday, working on weekends sucks. It doesn't matter how you justify it, whether it be overtime, flex time, or whatever, it still sucks. As such, I wasn't looking forward to Saturday in the least. I managed to drag my butt in for most of the day until the carpet cleaning crew kicked me out with the smell of their chemicals. I did find a good way to temper the workday by riding in to work. After I finished up, I was slated to go home and kick back for a bit. Hmm, I'm all ready on my bike, why not just head out on a ride since I didn't need to pick up Corley until 6 or so.

I decided to head through downtown and see if I could make it through since I didn't know what bridges and routes were still open. I made it through pretty easily sliding down University and then heading south on 2nd to Grand. I never quite realized how long the climb is out of downtown on Grand. I set my sites on heading over to Rassy's to see who might be kicking it at the shop. I was hoping for a beer break with Squirrel, but as luck would have it, he was currently on the east side that I'd just come from! He would show up later on to the shop with Teri and we still enjoyed a brew after they closed up for the evening.

I must have had some type of tailwind on the way home as I put the mountain bike through it's paces all the way home from the shop. I felt pretty good with the exception of my ass getting rubbed raw from a crappy set of shorts. Time to hang them up and grab a new set of baggies. I bought these almost 8 years ago and while they have very little use, they're a size too big so I don't get the right coverage and damn does that suck!

The call went out for a 6 am ride on Sunday with some local big hitters. I hemmed and hawed, but finally made up my mind that I'd show up and see how long I could hang on before they totally destroyed my. It was my father's day present to myself!? We headed through town and south winding our way to Cumming before turning down on G14 towards Winterset. I'd all ready been redlined a few times by now, but was still hanging on running halfway through zone 4 for me. The pace eased a little and I kept on the tail until the first big climb. I fell off the back like I threw out a parachute as they sprinted the hill. Luckily they dropped the pace down until I could be drug back up to the group (thanks I think?). I stayed with them figuring I'd be dropped again on the next big climb. Anyone who's ridden that road will know it. It's the right hand turn that goes up and up and up, until you think it will never end. It's not extremely steep, but man does it drag on.

I forced my way to the top way behind the group and turned back knowing I couldn't hang on any longer and didn't want to slow the group down any further. I collected some nice tailwind and set sail for home. There were a huge number of cyclists headed south which was awesome to see. I bonked on the way home due to some poor nutritional planning. Apparently 2 bottles of Heed and a granola bar for breakfast aren't enough to fuel a 54 mile hard ride. I didn't even have the advantage of a gel or two as I hadn't planned far enough ahead to have any available to bring with me. Ahh well, all is good as I made it back in one piece and headed for home.

The rest of the day was spent mostly being lazy and enjoying some time with the wife and daughter. I chose to go out for some barbecue for dinner and had a nice meal topped off with a few brews. I even headed in to work for another hour or so to finish checking through a set of drawings. Sheesh, I see a pattern emerging for the time being. I'm hoping to take advantage of the weather this week and ride the new bike in at least a few times. New bike you ask? Stay tuned and all will be revealed kiddies. Later.

Saturday at work

Yup, so I'm in on a Saturday. I can't say as it entirely sucks since it's my own fault I'm here. I at least made the effort to bike in today. I broke out the MTB to give it some love since it hasn't seen any action for a couple of weeks. I also figured since I'm still on the fence about the cross bike this would give me the chance to explore a bit if I felt the need after work. I do feel a bit guilty in the fact that this was supposed to be my afternoon to watch Corley since momma is working. I'm sure we'll get some good time in tomorrow though. Of course, tomorrow, I may be working again depending on how efficient I can be today. I'll just have to play it by ear.

The ride in this morning was something of an exercise in finding out how commuting on a regular basis would be. I chose a cotton tee and baggies with a built in chamois for ride attire this morning. I also won't plan on commuting in my road shoes unless I'm riding the road bike. For commuting I'll either be going with MTB shoes and my crank brothers smarties or going way old school and sticking some platforms on so I don't need to keep another pair of shoes hanging around. It's been a while since I road platforms. I did ride them at Burning Man last year on my cheap ass Toy's R Us death ride, but that was all on flat terrain and never for more than a few miles at a shot. I'm probably also going to switch to a more comfort oriented saddle such as a Brooks or possibly the updated version Selle-anotomica which essentially is a Brooks with a cutout. The upside to that saddle is they make a waterproof version which would be handy for a multi-use bike.

Speaking of Burning Man... I pulled the plug on going again this year. After I got back last year, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to go again until wife and baby girl were able to go with me so we could share the experience. Then our friends at Freddy and Eddy tried to entice me into coming out and helping run the art car they want to build. They bought me a ticket to get in and everything. As much as I appreciated the thought, I couldn't bring myself to spend the extra $ and take the time away from the family again for something purely about me. Instead the time and cash will be put where it should, by doing a family vacation sometime later this year.

I suppose I've droned on enough and procrastinated at least a little more time away with you good folks, so it's time to clip this short. I'll try to get some photos uploaded to my Flickr tonight so you can see some of my pics of the flooding from this morning's ride in. One of these days I need to update my sidebar links too and get some of the great blogs I read daily listed in there as well as some things like Flickr. Enjoy the weekend!

Burnout

Anyone here ever experienced it? I sure don't know what to call this funk I'm in, but burnout seems to fit quite nicely. I'm not quite sure how this post is going to go, so if you want to save yourselves from self pity and wallowing, you may want to turn around now.

There's nothing really wrong with my job, but I can't get my head around it any more. I can't beleive I possibly have burnout after seeing my coworkers struggle with lower volumes of work while I seemed to breeze through my projects. I think it's a stress thing. I keep a lot of things very close to me and while they might not be on the forefront of my mind, they all add up in the back of my head. Usually riding my bike hard and working myself into a pulp is my way of coping. It's just not going to work anymore though.

I've operated for a long time on the cusp of risk/reward. Walking that tightrope seems to be the key I have for making my projects profitable. I wait until the last moment before squeezing the trigger and getting stuff done. For those not familiar with construction, the general rule seems to be that you always are behind the eight ball in regards to time and schedule. While I know it pisses some people off and makes it look like I'm in a constant state of chaos, it's proven profitable. It seems there isn't much money to be made in getting stuff done early. It's weird how that works and I don't profess to even understand it. The problem really lies when you know you've lost your edge and are falling into the backside of being too late. I'm there. I can't lie and say that thoughts of just walking away haven't crept inside my head, but I'm not that type of person. I do think it's pretty imperative that I find a change here though or it won't be long before the type of person I am comes into direct conflict with maintaining my sanity.

I sent an email off to my boss last night letting him know I was in trouble. I hate that. I'm not the guy to ask for help with things. I'm usually the guy everyone else asks and I help when I can. Maybe it's time for a change. Anyone know of a good paying job that a guy with a business degree and mostly construction management/estimating experience can transition into (that doesn't deal with construction)? It's time to sit down with my boss this morning and have a serious discussion of what I'm going to be doing here. Enjoy your Friday the 13th.

All work and no play...

I'm not sure if it's fortunate or not, but all work no play, hasn't been my motto for a while. I've definitely been playing plenty hard and now that I look at it, too hard. Funny how a simple little voicemail can elevate your heart rate as much as a good finish line sprint or time trial effort.

It appears I'll be getting my ass kicked for at least a couple weeks until I can get back on top of things at work at the very least. I'm even folding my plans for the Elkhart TT tonight in favor of staying at work late. Ya, it's going to suck hard core and make me want to jab a fork in my eye, but it must be done. I've been taking advantage of suckling the easy money teat for too long and well, it's time to pay the piper.

I don't know if I'll even get any rides in during the upcoming weekends so if I see you, I see you, if not, have fun.

The avalanche

I hope you're ready for some venting.

Some of this is my own doing, some of it is life. Have you ever felt like you're in the middle of an avalanche and known there was nothing you could do but hang on for the ride? I'm there baby!

I'm doing everything, but doing nothing well. I'm not sure what to give up on, what to put more effort into, and where to turn. I think my first step is talking things over with my lovely wife and see what things we can team up on. My biggest hurdle is going to be with work. I have a huge tidal surge or projects piling in front of me and every day something new from one of the projects adds to the height of the wave that's ready to come crashing down any time. I've asked for help, but there's none available. It just means I have to dig deeper, work smarter/harder, and for longer.

That's the very beginning of my crux. If I dig into this work which pays for our lifestyle including my wife being a stay at home mom, it means I have to ditch on being there for them as a good husband and father. If I work harder on being a better husband and father, I have to spend more time with them as I'm severely lacking in giving them any quantity and the quality isn't anything to write home about either. Throw in the fact that I like to have some me time on the bike just to keep my sanity and my time is more than gone. Of course we can't forget about our burgeoning lingerie business, a custom engine that needs to be built, my own project car, friends, side projects, and everything else that goes along with life as well.

It's shaping up to be a spring and summer from hell in regards to the amount of work I have to absorb and process. If I had an option open to jump ship, I'd seriously be looking that direction. I take pride in making money for the company I work for and making the most from each project I run. When I see a challenge like this looming, I just see mistakes and money going down the drain as I hop from issue to issue so fast, I don't get to analyze or make decisions based on costs, but time management. It's not good for me. It stresses me, it hurts my productivity, and makes me like my job less and less. Being the top earner has it's perks, but it also has it's downfalls. As Squirrel has now permanently inked on his body, it's time to "Suck it up!"

If you don't hear from me as often as I'd like, I'm sorry. If I don't be the husband or father I want to be, I'm sorry. If I seem like I'm in a hurry to go somewhere else when I'm talking to you, I'm sorry. This summer is going to be rough. Wish me luck.

Rewind to the beginning

Since it just struck my fancy to start blogging one day I didn't really introduce myself so I'll see if I can't give you some background. I'm a Midwesterner, happily married to a wonderful woman, I'm a car nut, sex nut, amateur creator, and love to build things. More or less I wouldn't consider myself too far out of the normal range of guys. I'm on the back half of my 20's and we have no kids so life is still pretty free flowing on what we do for fun and the occasional whim. I was given the nickname of "Buckshot" from my grandpa many years ago. I never really went by the name, but at the advent of my online adventures some dozen or so years ago, I was affronted with the mystifying task of creating a screen name. Being that all the cool names a late teen could come up with, this one happened into my head and kind of stuck. In reality though my grandpa probably named me after a semi famous Nascar racer, the literal translation of the word also seems to fit my personality.

Alas, my grandpa died a few years ago and I never took the time to thank him for a good nickname. It's funny how people that you don't really think of as influences on your life affect you when they pass away. He was the typical quiet guy that never really opened up emotionally, but that was part of his generation. In any case I miss him and wonder if I'll have the same recognition once I'm gone.

As far as why I'm creating this blog, I don't quite know! How's that for an answer. I tend to be bored at work, but my mind never seems to shut off so this has become the most logical way to put that unspent energy to work. Much better than actually doing something like real work, huh?! If you couldn't have guessed by the previous few posts, I really enjoy cars and occasionally enjoy working on them too. My job is a somewhat typical desk type affair, so cars give me an outlet to do something creative by working on and modifying them. I also gave you a bit of a taste into my sexual side which is something new for me to discuss at random. Even with the anonymity of the internet there are a ton of people on various car forums that I visit who could easily google and find this blog. It will be interesting to see if the connection is ever made. However, since I don't view sex as something that needs to be hidden like some dirty secret, it will just be out there as another part of my life, kind of like eating.

That's about it for now. If there are any things you'd like to know I'll see what I can dredge up.